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Welcome to another edition of Top 10 Tuesday, a semi-regular series introducing you to some of the finest bloggers around, my fellow winners of a Top 10 Blogs for Writers award.
This week, meet Ollin Morales from Courage 2 Create. At his blog, Ollin chronicles his journey as he writes his first novel.
Take it away, Ollin:
When you’re a blogger, you can’t help escape the fact that no matter how great your content is, no matter how good of a person you are, and no matter how noble your intentions can be, sooner or later you are going to rub someone the wrong way—and that someone is going to come to your blog and slap you with a negative comment.
That’s why it’s important that you learn how to deal with a negative comment in a productive, positive way, or else you might risk letting that comment become one of the biggest downers of your week.
The Difference Between A Constructive Comment and A Negative Comment
It’s important to point out the difference between what I am going to call a “constructive” comment (which is always a good thing) and what I’m going to call a “negative” comment (which is never a good thing).
A constructive comment may illustrate a point of disagreement reached through the use of logic and reason; it can call you out for a factual mistake you have made; or it can seek to elaborate a point that your reader feels might be misunderstood.
On the other hand, a “negative” comment is just that: a shot of negativity thrown your way that often times has no rhyme or reason behind it.
A negative comment is filled with a toxic energy that you can almost feel coming at you from behind the words.
Whereas the intention of a “constructive” comment is to enlighten and improve, the intention of a “negative” comment is to confuse, throw you off balance and—sometimes—tear you down.
How to Turn A Negative Comment Into A Positive
So, you’ve received a negative comment. Congratulations! You’re a real blogger now.
But, you wonder, how can I turn this negative comment into a positive? Here’s how:
1. Reflect Your Best Self
Don’t forget: everyone is watching you.
When you’re a blogger you have to remember that your discussion is not happening in a secret cave in the middle of nowhere.
No, it’s more like your discussion is happening in one of those police interrogation rooms where there’s just you, the negative commenter, and a one-sided mirror on the opposite wall. You know that there are a lot of people on the other side of that mirror watching and listening to everything you say—you just don’t know exactly WHO is listening at any given time.
For instance, you don’t know whether the guy on the other side of that one-sided mirror is just a rookie, or the Police Chief himself.
Why take a risk, then?
Here’s what you should do:
Even if it may not be true, assume that your boss—or your next boss—is reading your blog and seeing how you handle this negative commenter.
Then act the way you would act if your boss were on the other side of that mirror, watching your every move.
2. Try To See It From Their Point of View
I know this is hard, especially when you are being unfairly attacked, but—I hate to break it to you—this is part of being a professional blogger.
You need to try to see the issue from the commenter’s point of view. Even if it is a stretch, still, try to find a point of mutual understanding.
3. Act Quickly
If you find ANY reason why your negative commenter has a point, then you should address the issue right away. Then, after you have addressed the issue, let the commenter know, and apologize for the misunderstanding or mistake.
This move should cool things off enough for the commenter to back down.
However, if after you corrected the mistake, your commenter continues to attack you, then maybe it’s time to take the discussion “outside” of the blog.
4. Take It “Outside”
If you have made contact with this negative commenter outside of your blog (i.e., e-mail) you should ask to hold a private conversation with them outside of the blog.
At this point, you are no longer in an interrogation room, so you can relax, but you should still remain professional.
First, tell them how their negative comment has affected you.
Although they may not want to see things from your point of view, you have every right to let the commenter know that their negative comment has hurt you.
If you feel hurt then there is no need to doubt that the commenter has said something to hurt you. You have every right to voice your feelings and demand to be treated with fairness. You can say something like:
“Maybe you didn’t mean to hurt me, but what you said made me feel THIS WAY, and I didn’t appreciate it.”
This gives the negative commenter one final chance to recognize the wrong they have committed and ask you for your forgiveness.
If they recognize their wrong and apologize, then it turns out this was just a small blip in the relationship. Maybe the commenter was just having a terrible day and took it out on you without thinking about it.
If, however, your negative commenter stubbornly refuses to see that they have done anything wrong, then I’m afraid it’s time for the both of you to go your separate ways.
5. Go Your Separate Ways
Although it might not feel like it, you have done an EXCELLENT job of dealing with the negative commenter. You have managed to keep your moral high ground, covered all your bases professionally, and also asserted your right to be treated fairly.
Unfortunately, it is now clear that this person is NOT a commenter you want to have around anymore.
You’re a good person who works hard and you don’t deserve to be met with negativity on you blog.
It’s time to halt all communication with the negative commenter, put them on all your blacklists, and move on.
You might even go as far as moderating your comments from now on, like I have done.
6. Shine Brighter Than Before
As I said before, the negative commenter’s ultimate goal is to throw you off balance. So, if you allow them to topple you then you are letting them win.
DON’T let them win.
Show your negative commenter that they haven’t achieved their aim by making a big move–in a positive direction.
Take that big step to finally monetize your blog, or offer new and better services to your readers. You can make a new goal to double the amount of guest posts you write, or take a risk by reaching out to those big players in your niche.
Then, as you grow and become wildly successful because of your new efforts, you’ll smile inside knowing that some big bad villain at their laptop somewhere is crying because their diabolical plan to ruin you and all the good you stand for has failed—big time.
At that point you could pat yourself on the back.
Congratulations! You have successfully turned that negative comment into a HUGE positive.
much love,
Ollin
Have you ever received a negative comment from someone?
How did you handle it?
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Last week I had a commenter take a post personally and left a snarky comment on my blog and then Twitter.
I followed up with them on Twitter, explained I knew it was a controversial opinion and the anger lessened enough for them to share a post where they also had a controversial opinion.
In the end I was really happy that they didn’t leave thinking I was a self righteous jerk.
Ayngelina recently posted..Not cut out for Colca Canyon
Sounds like you handled it the correct way Ayngelina!
Yeah, I noticed there was no advice out there of how to deal with regular readers, or just readers who you might have known for longer who suddenly became negative with you. It’s a little more difficult then just blocking some trolls.
I’m hoping this post helps to illuminate people and give them an idea of how to approach this type of situation.
Great post, Ollin (as always). There is a fine line between trolls (malicious commenters) and constructive feedback. Here is where people skills will come in handy to discern whether the comment is troll-centered or helpful. If the comment is trollish in nature, the general rule always applies: “Don’t feed the trolls.”
E. J. Apostrophe recently posted..The Journey Begins featuring Charlie Sheen
Hey E.J.
Thanks for following me on my Top Ten Blogger tour by the way!
Well, the truth is I was not really talking about trolls. I’ve had trolls before. They leave a negative comment and I just delete them or block them. In this case, I am really talking about a regular commenter or reader you might have even established an “off-blog” relationship with. In those cases, not feeding the trolls is a less than helpful advice.
You really need an art to it, and that’s why I shared it here.
There are times when people just have their bad days and they might take it out on you, without realizing it, so it’s good to allow them a chance to apologize if that is the case.
Human relationships are complicated, and you don’t want to server those relationships too quickly if the person just made a mistake.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Ooops I meant “sever”
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Very helpful post… er… if I ever get past the stage where only encouraging friends are commenting on my blog (which, hey, is fun too).
But what happens if you haven’t established email contact with the negative commenter, and they keep at it?
You can look for their contact page and see if there is a way to reach them directly. Maybe direct message them on Facebook or Twitter. If they don’t provide that line of connection, then I suggest starting to moderate your comments so that only positive or constructive comments make it through.
If that bothers you, you can blacklist this commenter. Contact your host site’s community forums or support staff to find out how to do that. Some host sites may have a different process of how to go about it.
In the end it’s your blog, and your call. Personally I don’t think you deserve a negative commenter hanging around.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Stepping in with a small suggestion. I’m not sure about every blogging platform, but in the back end, in your comments section if you are on WordPress or Typepad (both of which I have used), their IP address and email are right there with their comment. (you the blogger can see that on the back end, but of course, your readers can’t.) I have actually contacted some of my readers personally that way, to further explain a question they had, etc.) Not sure about Blogger.
Hope this helps.
Thanks, both of your, for your suggestions. I hope I never have to resort to that, though!
Tamara recently posted..The Twitter Query
We hope so, too!
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Great guest post, Ollin! Thanks for sharing your strategy with all of us. My blog is new enough that I haven’t received any negative comments yet — but I’m definitely going to keep your ideas in mind for future reference.
Conflict resolution is one of my least favorite things to do; it’s very much outside of my comfort zone. However, I recognize the vital necessity of it (both in online communications and in face-to-face relationships, of course!).
I read once that in a conversation between two people, where each person speaks only one sentence, there are 16 ways in which a miscommunication can happen. I don’t know if the same rule applies to online exchanges…but even if it doesn’t, I’d bet the potential for something to go wrong is still huge.
Of course, not all negativity is based on misunderstanding. Those are the cases in which we get to practice our patience skills. ; )
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..Confessing My Creative Sins- Pt 3 Recovery- Pt 1
Very interesting Courtney. I bet you anything that the potential for miscommunication doubles in on online communication. That has happened me so much over e-mail with clients and guest posters. Sometimes we have to go back and forth a couple of times to make sure we know what the other is actually saying.
It’s hard to read things like sarcasm, or other types of “tone” in writing. So something that you think sounds like the person is pissed off, is really just the way in which the person wrote it and they did not intend it that way. That’s why it’s always important to cover all your bases like I recommend above to make absolutely sure that the commenter is… well… a jerk you don’t want to have around.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Ollin, I would bet that online, the potential for miscommunication quadruples. Maybe more. We don’t realize how much we rely on nonverbal clues in face-to-face conversation: body position, hand motions, eye contact (or lack thereof), head postion, etc. Even in phone conversation, we at least have tone of voice to rely upon.
We get none of that online. So, when we read blogs and comments and emails, we’re really only getting a tiny fraction of the sender’s message. It’s a shame, really! But it’s a great challenge to improve our writing skills so as to eliminate as much confusion as possible.
Smileys help!
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..My 10-Hour Adrenaline Rush Better Than Chocolate
Great post, and an important issue. Blogs are very often personal, and it’s difficult not to take things personally.
Thank you!
Selena Wolff recently posted..The Diary – Aspiring Writer’s Contest
Very true Selena.
It’s important that we learn how to detach ourselves and realize that what other people think of us doesn’t define who we are. We have to be okay with the post or the work itself so that whatever comments good or bad we receive don’t really phase us.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Hi Ollin,
Important post for bloggers everywhere. Been slapped myself for not “agreeing” 100% with a post or, worse, being told that my opinion was wrong.
That lead to my Fearless Twitter Question of the day on 3/9.
“If a commenter on your blog disagrees, do you defend your position or consider his/her point of view?”
I’ve had some commenters disagree with my posts. But instead of beating them up, I thought about what they said and realized I needed to take my own blinders off. One comment completely changed my way of looking at the issues. It opened my eyes. I’m quite grateful for the comment and the blogging lesson.
Your ideas for dealing with commenters that appear to want attention make sense. There’s a difference between wanting attention and wanting to express an opinion.
Developing a tough writing skin is a pre-requisite if a blogger/writer wants to impact the world in any way. To be listened to, you need to be able to listen yourself.
Thanks for writing about this!
Giulietta
Giulietta Nardone recently posted..I- Valentino- Meow About Fear
You’re welcome Giulietta,
I wanted to write about it for the precise reason that I hadn’t seen it written about before, and it’s a problem that we all deal with at one point or another. It’s a very delicate issue and that’s why I wanted to clarify the difference between a “negative” comment and a “constructive one.” Disagreeing is good, pointing out mistakes is good, clarifying a misunderstanding is good, but personal attacks or just negativity for the sake of it is not good.
Also, disagreeing is okay, but what you don’t want is for someone to disagree with something YOU DID NOT SAY. Sometimes there are commenters who don’t really read posts, they don’t even scan posts {which for me means reading a post to look for the crucial and illuminating points to understand the gist} what they do is SKIM posts. Randomly going through it not really trying to grasp the general idea but just getting bits here and there so they can leave a comment and promote their individual blog on your blog.
These are types of commenters to avoid as well. It is obvious in this case that they are not really listening to you and the truth is–you don’t need to listen to them.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Hi Ollin…great post and wonderful advice. I was especially drawn to your comment, “the intention of a “constructive” comment is to enlighten and improve, the intention of a “negative” comment is to confuse, throw you off balance and—sometimes—tear you down.” In fact, I quoted you on my Facebook page, along with your name and Cat’s Eye Writer. I thought that it deserved to get out there whether you were a blogger or not. Too much negativity in the world as it is anyway. I still moderate my comments. I think I’ll keep it that way. Thanks for sharing.
My recent post…Windmills & Warships
Thank you Vickie.
I’m glad you realized the double meaning in the post! I try to make everything I write apply to life to, because writing is the best metaphor for life in my opinion.
Yes, the truth is, I was raised by a good set of parents to be a good old boy, so I always walked around thinking everyone was the same. Everyone had good intentions and could be trusted, etc. But the truth is: this is not the case. There are definitely good people with good intentions, plenty of them in the world, more than some people would say, but we have to be careful.
We need to make sure to always keep our self-respect and self-worth and sometimes we need “sign posts” to let us know when a “bad guy” is lurking around us that is really out to cause us harm.
I hope this helps all of you be absolutely clear when what you are receiving in your comments is useful and illuminating–even if you may STRONGLY disagree with it–versus what is just out to get you for all the wrong reasons.
The distinction might seem simple, but the truth is we can all get caught up in thinking that someone’s negative comment is a true reflection of what we are putting out there. What I am trying to say is it may not be–it may be the commenter him or herself that is the problem.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Going through an entire process of conflict resolution to deal with one negative comment seems to me to inflate a minor irritation into a major problem. If you look at political blogs you’ll find comments from opposing sides of the political spectrum including insults lobbied at opponents and possibly the blog author, but if you’re the blog owner you must be prepared for that. And if a negative comment takes on a personal tone then why not simply delete it?
Great point!
Thank you for disagreeing with me!
Gives me a chance to illustrate what I was trying to say:
I think just a negative comment from a random troll is easy to deal with {Read my comment to E.J. above.} But what this post is addressing is a more intimate and personal relationship with your comment base.
What I’m talking about is a commenter who has had a longer relationship with you, who maybe, in the past seemed like a cool person and now they’ve gone nasty.
Now, you also mentioned politics. You know in the realm of politics it may be okay for people to personally attack each other, but just because in one arena it is okay for people to attack each other in that way, does not mean that we all agree that this is how things should be done.
In fact, I would argue that what happened in Arizona showed just how this personal attack situation can get out of hand to disastrous proportions. Not to mention the very tragic suicides of gay teens who were personally attacked for who they are.
So, I guess here is where we strongly disagree, and we can agree with to disagree:
This is NOT a minor irritation issue, it is a MAJOR PROBLEM one that needs to be addressed with care and detail.
I think Arizona and the gay teen suicides tell us bloggers that we actually have a RESPONSIBILITY not to encourage personal attacks “for the fun of it” and sensationalism just for the sake of winning political points.
This is no laughing matter for me personally. I strongly believe that words have incredibly power, and I take them very seriously on my blog and elsewhere. I make sure to choose carefully the words that I say and use and make sure that they don’t unfairly put someone down. I want to make sure that my blog is a place of warmth love and encouragement, and the occasional disagreement yes.
But I know not everyone is on the same page with me.
Okay, now I’m getting off my soapbox.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
I guess one has to decide when a personal attack is just a piece of sarcasm (there’s plenty in the celeb world) or is to be taken seriously. It must depend on the context, surely? Children and teens are impressionable and, yes I agree, words have power and personal attacks in this context can be a major problem. Hate mail is a different thing though from a sarcastic jibe at a celeb or politician. I have no experience of the kinds of websites where personal attacks are a big issue; maybe I’m being naive but I’d have thought mature adults would have a different way of handling personal insults. Didn’t expect my comment to be so controversial so apologies for provoking a soapbox.
No worries Sean.
I think people reading this should see that this is a great example of people respectfully disagreeing.
Don’t get me wrong: I think you had a valid point and I am glad you expressed it. I’m not saying it is wrong, I’m just saying I disagree with the point, and I just wanted to make it clear why I disagreed with it.
Because I think negative comments about celebrities aren’t okay either. If you were to ask a celebrity how those negative comments feel, they would say they really hurt them. Celebrities are human beings, and they often get dehumanized because of their wealth and status. Trust me, I know not many people will agree with me for humanizing celebrities, most people would rather make fun of them because they are so privileged and powerful that it’s kinda like: “why not? They’re really well off and famous”
But the truth is, I just disagree. I think we’re not doing people like Charlie Sheen any help by only making fun of him. I think we’re simply ignoring a deeper issue, like for example, that this man needs serious professional attention.
I know right? Sympathy for Charlie Sheen. But hey, that’s my point of view.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Great post. I don’t think I will be ever ready for negative comments since I tend to take things seriously and personally. Thank you for sharing.
I know, it can be hard Irivetz.
But I hope if you do get that kind of comment, you don’t take it personally. It is not a reflection of you. And I hope this posts illuminates a way to tell the difference between when someone is just disagreeing with you and when someone is just trying to get under your skin for kicks.
Good luck to you!
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
As a newcomer to blogging, this hasn’t been an issue for me yet, but it’s great to get hints, ideas, and advice from a seasoned blogger. I know I’ll refer back to this when I most need it.
I especially liked what you said in one of the replies to a commentor: “It’s hard to read things like sarcasm, or other types of ‘tone’ in writing.” This is so true, and a huge concern of mine. I work very hard–in blogs, comments to blogs, and Twitter–to ensure that the words I write really represent my intention in a respectful way. So much is in the eyes of the receiver!
Thanks again!
Julia recently posted..Wednesdays Word is Iterate- Then Again
Thanks Julia!
That’s why there’s so much bases that I have you cover in this post. Blacklisting someone is a serious move, and so if you’re going to do it you have to make sure you have really good reasons and are sure that the person at the other end does not have good intent. Otherwise, you might risk alienating someone who was just having a bad day and might have given you an apology, or someone whose words you might have misinterpreted.
Ollin Morales recently posted..The Ultimate Playlist to Get You In The Writing Mood
Judy My heart goes out to you at this time, such a loss and a passage ~ warmly
Kare
Kare,
Thanks for your kind words. For other people who might be reading this, my dad passed away last Sunday and it’s been a rough week.
Dear Judy,
I’m so sorry to learn of your loss. We are traveling the same difficult passage this week. Hugs to you.
One negative comment I got almost drove me to stop blogging. Not only did the person bash my post, but she started to make personal judgments about me and got rather ugly. I tried to explain my point of view, which I still hold to, but it only started her further down the road of insulting me more. However, I am still blogging and I remember that commenter. I have long ago decided that I am not going to let one voice stop me from sharing. Now if every comment I got was that way…maybe, but fortunately for me it has been mostly smooth sailing.
David Willis recently posted..Its a Saturday morning tradition…
David…I just read your recent post and wanted to let you know that it left me warm and relaxed. As far as that negative blogger goes, some people think that because they’re behind the security of their monitor and you can’t see them that they can release their demons on others. You keep on keepin on! Good job.
I’m SO glad you didn’t give up. And I hope this post will be helpful for those bloggers who in the future might get a negative comment and think about giving up. Please, do what David and I did, just keep going–and shine brighter than before.
Thanks for this good post, Ollin. I haven’t had to deal with negative comments on my blog, but have on an article I published on Biznik. I agree with your suggestions.
It reminds me that communication is at the heart of all relationships – business, personal, online, face-to-face, where ever. The ability to not take something personally, see another person’s point of view, and apologize or respond graciously aren’t just good manners according to our mothers (thanks Mom!) but good ways to deal with comments, good and bad.
Barbara Breckenfeld recently posted..On the fence about social media