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The more I fiddle around with this blogging thing, the more I notice the differences among bloggers.
I subscribe to dozens of blogs. Some of them I skim through and others are must-reads.
But the ones I read most frequently have one thing in common.
They don’t just ace their content, take my breath away and make me think in different ways.
They let me see who they really are.
These bloggers are not afraid to say how they feel, to shake me up (sometimes) and to give me advice from their hearts. And they understand one thing:
Blogging is writing is life.
Bloggers who go ‘off-topic’
Bloggers are always told to stay within their niche, to stay on topic and on message. And that’s good advice.
Except that when they do stray from their topic, even write an emotional post, that is precisely when I connect with them—and on a much deeper level. Because they have let me inside.
My father died last week.
I might have swept that fact under the rug. Gone on as usual. Written something like 5 Ways to Get the Guest Post Assignment of Your Dreams.
But then one of my favorite bloggers, Danny Brown, published a post on March 19, the day after my dad’s funeral. It was called Precious Time.
He shared a painful part of his past and a story about… Well, you’ll just have to go and read it.
Danny is an amazing social media leader, blogger, online marketing expert. And yet he was talking about life and love and loss.
And many, many readers could relate to it. Many of them related their own personal stories. And almost every single one of them thanked him for writing the post.
My father died last week.
I loved him deeply.
He taught me how to tell stories—the rhythm, the suspense, the humor.
He taught me how to dive.
When he came home from work, and all he wanted to do was take his cement dust-caked, high-top work boots off and settle into his olive green recliner, he was still patient with the “12 Degrees of Why” questions my curious, 7-year-old self had.
And he taught me lessons in entrepreneurship.
I will miss him every single day of my life. But that’s the stuff that life is made of. The stuff that binds us together, connects us, makes us human.
So I second the things Danny said in his post. Tell the people you love that you love them. And do it often.
Because you never know.
What about you?
Do you ever blog ‘off-topic’?
Do you stick around when other bloggers do?
Do you enjoy getting to know their personal side better?
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When it’s all about information we treat the blogger like an information source.
When we get to ‘know’ the blogger….we begin a relationship.
We’re people and relationships matter….and take us further in life.
That being said….many bloggers should pause before they post ‘some’ personal stuff. Seriously will their reader really care about what they wear? Discovering someone’s heart or other passion is probably what works.
My sincere sympathy at your dear father’s passing. There’s a special bond between a father and daughter that will never go away…and that is something to treasure.
Diane,
Thanks for weighing in. And I totally agree with that philosophy. It’s all about relationships. I’ve been reading Victoria Mixon’s blog lately and she so nails it. She works with fiction writers and she tells them that a good story is the stuff of life. The stuff that makes us cry, laugh, feel.
Thanks for the words of condolence. And, yes, it’s an unbroken bond, that father-daughter one.
Hi Judy,
I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my father this past year too and I struggled with some of the same questions.
One of the greatest lessons he taught me was to say what I feel, to do what my heart tells me to and never let anyone tell me differently. He taught me grace, humor and much like your father, he taught me about entrepreneurial spirit.
I think one of the greatest things about blogs are that they are yours to do with as you please and not to tie us up with editorial limitations.
You should always say what you feel and the people who understand that will always stand out and be the most devoted readers.
Speak with your heart and they will follow.
Sean Earley recently posted..On Making Plans
Sean,
Wow. It sounds like your dad was an amazing man if he taught you all that.
What you say about reader response is so key. We can’t be all things to all people. And when we show who we are, at the core of our beings, it just attracts the people we should be writing for, working for, serving. Thanks for the great piece of advice.
Great post, Judy. Yes it’s all about building community, and to do that, we have to share. Just like those of us who grew up in small towns did, sharing happy gatherings, funerals, and business. When this kind of thing is shared online, it’s great when we’re not just venting and ranting but quietly stating what something means to you, and why. You always do that wonderfully. Sharing our stories builds communities. Good for you!
Robyn
Robyn,
So good to hear from you! (Heard you’ve been sick.)
Nice to hear from such a talented writer as you that it’s okay for business bloggers to write from the heart, too. I hadn’t thought of comparing an online community to a small town, but, yes, it does build community in much the same way. And links us to our common humanity. : )
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hi Judy…
I’m 100% in favour of bloggers going “off topic” and showing who they really are. I agree with what Diane said about relationship. My favourite bloggers are people first and information sources second (if at all). How can I form a relationship with an encyclopedia?
I’m so sorry to hear about your father. You have my deepest condolences on your loss. I lost my mother to cancer 5 years ago this April. What Diane says about the unbroken bond has been true. I still feel connected to her.
Patty K recently posted..Success- failure and doing stuff instead of just thinking about it
Patty,
I’m smiling, seing you here in the comments section. Because I was going to reference you (and your blog) in this post, as a second example of a business blogger who writes completely uncensored, from the heart and from your emotional core. I got pressed for time and didn’t think I could connect with you in time but here you are.
So, my dear readers, you should check out Patti’s blog. : )
Judy, well said. I think as humans regardless of whether we are running a business or working as an employee, it is really important to be able to share parts of us that help others to understand where we are “at” and what perspective we can offer.
At the same time it is (hopefully) helping us to reveal a bit of ourselves, it can also offer very valuable information and ideas.
Case in point: for years I have followed a sales expert named Art Sobczak, even meeting him once and recommending him many times. His very personal post about his mother’s illness and death, along with the lesson about healthcare, was truly inspirational. I’m including the link because I was surprised to see this post of his, and also so pleased that he did it. Thanks again to you, Judy. — Lori
http://www.telesalesblog.com/2009/02/19/perhaps-my-most-important-tip-ever-in-memory-of-my-mom.html
Lori,
I popped over to read Art’s post. It was written from the heart and offered advice we all can apply to our own lives. What’s not to love about that?
I do go off-topic on occasion. While I try to stick with just writing as my topic, sometimes, I find ways to incorporate a personal experience into my topic.
I read blogs that sometimes go off topic. I like getting a look at the person behind the writer, because the writer is just one part of them. Their stories have to come from somewhere, you know?
Victoria,
I tell stories quite a bit on my blog. They help me illustrate the point I am making. And sometimes I stray off topic, like when I told my 9-11 story or wrote on the issue of poverty and my trip to Africa.
I think that sharing personal pieces of yourself from time to time builds community and brings us all closer together. : )
Blogging off topic helps your readers to sense your realness and can build stronger rapport with them. We can all benefit from taking off the mask and being more genuine.
E.J. Apostrophe recently posted..Why You Are Too Kind to Your Characters and Need to Abuse Them
E.J.,
Thanks for sharing here. I think that people who are using a blog to attract customers and clients to their business might struggle a little more with this issue than, say, writers. But we all need to think about it.
Awesome post. I agree, I think going “off topic” adds spice to the blog. Like you said, it can add that extra human element.
Jeremy Duley recently posted..People Actually Read Bios
Jeremy,
Thanks for weighing in here. : )
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand this much better than I wish I did. Just weeks after starting my blog, my grandmother died. I lost focus and really struggled until I allowed myself to write about her death on my blog. About the time I got back into the groove, my grandfather dropped dead on his way to the breakfast table. For the first time in my life, I had no words. Grandpa died August 1, 2010 and I am just now getting my footing back. I wrote at the time that my lungs don’t feel with air the way they used to, and it is still true. Honesty is vital to good writing and ignoring a profound loss is not being honest regardless of niche.
jeri recently posted..Yelling linked to insomnia
jeri,
Wow. I am so sorry for your losses. That must have been very tough. Thanks for sharing your personal experience here.
Blogging off-topic…I like the idea. I think I may have done it a little, but not very often. How often do you think we should venture there?
Janis Meredith recently posted..Do you parent according to THE PLAN
Janis,
I don’t make a conscious effort to write off-topic because I know that my readers subscribed to my blog with an expectation that they will get certain content. However, from time to time, a post pours out of me.
I’d say, go with your heart.
P.S. Please forgive me for my callousness, Judy, as well (I was laying in the bed and realized that I did not give my condolence for your loss).
We send our condolences for your loss and will pray that God gives you strength each day.
E.J. Apostrophe recently posted..Clueless Series- What is RSS and Why Do I Need It
Judy, when I learned last week that your dad had died, I immediately thought about your Christmas Day 2010 post in which you wrote about explaining what a blog is to him on Christmas Eve. Because you had shared that, I could more closely identify with your loss. You have my condolences as you adjust to life without his earthly presence.
Barbara,
Thanks. It was always a challenge trying to explain to my dad what I do for a living. : )
And thanks for the condolences. Really appreciating my reader community through this whole thing.
Really sorry to hear about your dad — he sounds like he was a really great father. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care, Julia
Julia recently posted..Found- Around My Desk
Julia,
Thanks. It helps a little just writing about him. : )
If I’m reading a new-to-me blog, and if I skim posts and headlines and don’t find off-topic, personal posts by the blogger, chances are that I won’t be back. I enjoy meeting-of-minds as much as the next person…but if there is no meeting-of-hearts, my soul says, “Move on.”
Judy, thanks for blogging “off-topic.” Thanks for letting us see your grief, and thanks for sharing sweet memories about your father. I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..I Dream- Therefore I Write — And Video!
Courtney,
Thanks for the thoughtful feedback. This was an interesting post to write. Glad it resonated with you.
And thanks for reading.
My pleasure. : )
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..The Most Difficult Thing in the World–in the Shower
It’s a very difficult thing when Dad passes, I know how you must feel. Treasure the memories and in them he will always be with you.
I get dozens of blogs every week. All of them have a specific purpose in mind and I wouldn’t subscribe if I didn’t want to read them. But rarely do I read most of them.
Your blog on the other hand is a must read! I read it every week because on top of good advice—I get you Judy Dunn, my friend.
Don’t ever take the you out of your blog!
Have a Great Day,
Rusty Lee
Rusty Lee recently posted..The Value of a Great Tagline
Rusty,
Wow, that’s very cool. Thanks so much. Readers who become friends. I like that. : )
Sorry for the loss of your father; I have lost mine and it is a very strange feeling indeed. Keep those cherished memories close to your heart.
I have a blog, but no ‘theme’ so I can’t respond as a blogger. However, because I go to quite a few I can at least talk about what I like.
I think by going off-topic and especially in a personal nature it does bring me closer to you. Right now I’m in it for the engagement and the better I get to know you the more apt I am to stay around and support you in any way I can.
My model might be different than most, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Hang in there.
Bill Dorman recently posted..What is on your iPod
Bill,
Thanks. What wonderful support I’ve seen from my online “buddies.”
Your thoughts on going off-topic make sense to me. Thanks for weighing in here.
Judy – what a beautiful post and discussion following. A tribute to fathers, to small towns/online communities, and to connecting person to person through blogs.
I cherish what my father taught me, as well as the fact that he is still alive and well at 88. I send my heartfelt sympathy for losing such an important person in your life.
I never lived in a small town, but I do get how communities are created, grown, and nurtured. Like families, communities are webs of relationships woven between individuals, deepened with time and shared experiences. I learned how it happens online when an old friend died suddenly and a memorial Facebook page had hundreds of friends in under a week.
I still marvel that we do actually create real relationships online. My 40th high school reunion is this summer. We have a Facebook group in which people are showing up ‘as is’ and connecting without any of the labels or divisions we had as adolescents. Quite amazing. I’m now friends with cheerleaders and people I never would have dreamed of talking to in high school! It’s silly and fun, much like high school, and very sweet too.
With much gratitude for this post. – Barbara
Barbara Breckenfeld recently posted..On the fence about social media
Barbara,
Thanks for the condolences. Th support from friends like you during this time has meant more than I can say.
Yeah, those high school reunions can be tricky. At the 10th, everyone is still trying to impress (that’s what I heard—didn’t go to my 10th). From the 20th on, we were finally classmates in the true sense of the word. I had a tough time fitting in in high school, so it was nice seeing all those perceived barriers breaking down (and they were probably all in my head anyway!).
For me, it’s fine to go off topic as long as I don’t stray too far. I find a way to incorporate photography into all my posts. People expect me to include pictures with my posts – if I go completely off topic – then I’ll include the stats of how I got the shot that I included.
I’ve found that if I relax and let it come, just about any topic I come up with can be tied back to photography.
Through the Lens of Kimberly Gauthier, Photography Blog recently posted..Great Photography Vacation Spot- At Home
Thanks for sharing here. I was especially interested in the thinking on whether a blogger should reveal parts of their personal life (if it isn’t a personal blog) and, if so, how much.
It’s true, many seemingly unrelated topics can be tied back to your niche (photography) if you come up with the right angle.
I think an occasional more personal post is appropriate – I like learning more about the personal side of bloggers I like, and I find that my readers respond to those occasional posts well, too.
Betsy, Thanks for weighing in here. I wrote a personal post yesterday and had 3 unsubscribes the next morning. But that’s really not all that much in the whole scheme of things. And I noticed my subscriber stats were up by 50 overnight so it all balances out. : )
I don’t worry too much about unsubscribes/unlikes. The Dr. Seuss quote keeps me going: “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter won’t mind.” We’re all people and so much more complex than our blog subject matter. I also don’t feel bad for unsubscribing/unliking for those same reasons. There is something out there for all of us, and when it is no longer relevant we can move on to find something new. Circle of blogging and all that jazz…
I know. I wrote a post on why losing subscribers is a good thing. Mainly because it means you are focusing your blog, you have found your niche and you are both losing old readers and gaining new ones because of it. I heartily agree that there are enough choices out there: enough so every person can find what they need. : )
Thanks for sharing Judy. As you know I lost my mother last week…or was it the week before…time has lost meaning since her passing. I actually did write a little bit about the process of losing a loved one when you are planning a wedding. How do you honor them? How do mention them without being a downer. That was my way of bringing attention to the fact that “life happens”. It’s funny because I have terrible writer’s block right now, but it was easy and satisfying to share that info with my readers.
Elaine Way recently posted..The Show Must Go On
Elaine,
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your mother. I know what you mean about the time thing. Those first few weeks and months are a blur. That has to be a very painful experience—to be in the business of helping people plan the happiest day of their lives when you are mourning such a personal loss. I say, take the time to grieve and don’t worry about your blog right now if you are hitting a wall. Your readers will be there when you return. I found that free/journal writing helped me process things and got me unstuck faster.
Judy Dunn recently posted..What I Learned When I Visited the AUTHORNOMICS Blog
By the way, what are those crazy-looking faces doing at the right side of the posts. I’m confused, but not that confused…ha, ha.
Elaine Way recently posted..The Show Must Go On
Okay, now I’M the one who is confused. Do you mean the “crazy faces” in the comments? Those are readers who have not picked up an avatar (a photo to use online) and they are assigned the “default” graphics, which is a “crazy face.” If you want a bright, smiling Elaine pic to show each time you leave a comment, you need to go to gravatar.com and get one. See my post, “What Is Your Online Avatar Saying About You?” http://catseyewriter.com/2012/01/11/what-is-your-online-avatar-saying-about-you/
Judy Dunn recently posted..When Blogging Is Seriously Hard