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Kids come to school with ideas already formed. About winning and losing. About being the best at something. About being stronger. Smarter.
More cool.
As a first grade teacher, I liked to shake things up a bit with my students. Challenge their little worlds.
Get them to think differently.
A trend in education that started in the 1990s and is still going strong is something called ‘cooperative learning.‘
The approach is simple: kids working together to achieve a common goal. It’s been proven that it leads to greater student achievement, an improvement in social skills and—perhaps most important of all—it prepares kids to work successfully in teams when they join the grown-up world of work.
The M&M game
Each year, as a kick-off to cooperative learning in our first grade classroom, to get kids thinking about what it means to work and learn together, I invited them to play the M&M game. (With candy as the prize, I didn’t have to talk them into this.)
My only prop for this lesson was a jumbo-sized bag of M&Ms.
First I placed my students in pairs, facing each other over a table.
“Each of you will put one of your elbows up on the table and clasp the other person’s hand,” I said. “I will time you for one minute. Every time the other person’s whole arm goes down flat on the table, you get an M&M.”
When I was sure they understood what their goal was, I started the clock.
The first time I did this, I was blown away by the results. Of 12 pairs of students, most kids didn’t get a single M&M. A couple of kids got one measly piece of candy each.
In the problem solving session afterward, each pair reported on their results. It was obvious that they had viewed the game as an arm wrestling match, which I hadn’t described it as at all.
Then I said, “How do you think you might have gotten more M&Ms?”
Most said some version of “Try harder” or “Use my muscles more.” With more thinking, sometimes (but not always) someone would come up with, “Well, we could share. I get to push his arm down and he gets to push mine down and we just keep doing that.”
And when that happened, I saw the light bulbs in their little heads turn on.
They could get 50 or more M&Ms each if they worked together!
We talked about how hard it was trying to beat the other person and how much easier it would be to help each other get what they wanted.
Why successful bloggers always win the M&M game
Once, after I left teaching and started my own business, I heard a quote from Zig Ziglar, author, speaker and salesman extraordinaire:
“You can have anything in life you want if you just help other people get what they want.”
I was struck by how similar in thinking this was to that lesson back in my first grade classroom.
But how many times do we see blogging as a lonely pursuit?
Something that, in order to succeed, we have to be better than someone else? We are like those first graders, competing for the M&Ms.
What would happen if instead we started working together?
There are enough M&Ms to go around. If we cooperate with others, share our resources and strengths, how might we get where we want to go faster?
And what would that look like if we supported other bloggers, even those who might not quite be where we are yet? Could we all get more readers and subscribers if we banded together? Recognized the good stuff other bloggers are doing? Invited them to write a guest post for us?
I am grateful for people like Danny Brown, Jay Ehret, Becky McCray and others who shared the wealth when I was a rookie blogger.
What about you?
Have you found a compete mentality in the world of blogging?
Or have you met people who are willing to work with you so you all get more M&Ms?
What is your thinking on this?
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Awesome post, Judy, and so true. I look at the online space and don’t see competitors, because there’s enough work to go round for everyone. I look at the blogosphere, and the ones I admire and look up to are the ones sharing constantly, and not taking their bat and ball home when others don’t follow their gospel.
We can either be wealthy and alone, or truly rich and part of a crowd. I know which I prefer.
@DannyBrown Great perspective, Danny. I’ve just noticed a few climbers lately who seem to be using “scratch and claw” tactics. Some of them are trying to discredit other bloggers, thinking that there are only a few spots and they have to knock other people off to get one of them. It reminds me of a quote of Wilson Mizner, the 1930s Hollywood screenwriter who worked with Daryl Zanuck and Jack Warner:
“Be kind to the people you meet on the way up. Because you’ll meet the same people on your way down.”
He was speaking of the famously dog-eat-dog environment of Hollywood, of course. But it has so many applications and works on so many other levels.
I love your last paragraph here. I may just have to steal it. : )
I remember people who helped me when I started blogging – when I was tearing my hair out, the ones who explained this is how you do it, and the ones who sneer because people don’t know what … is! Without comments and readers blogging is drear. Yours is a fun way of spelling out why we need a ‘blog tribe’.
@Diana of Elephant’s Eye Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts here, Diana. And, yes, we never forget the people who were kind enough to show us the way when we were beginners. Very true.
I checked out your blog. Wow, you have some beautiful photos there. Are you a professional photographer?
@JudyDunn Thank you – no just having fun with a garden blog.
There are photographers in the blogosphere who also play the give and take cooperation game.
<a href = "http://www.gardeninggonewild.com/?p=18762" Saxon Holt for instance
@Diana of Elephant’s Eye What a great name for a blog, “Gardening Gone Wild.” Will have to check it out. Thanks for the link.
Danny Brown is the nicest soul .. I am so glad to have met him – and others he hangs out with. It was through you Judy that I found FBBB and now I keep on discovering such talented, smart, kind, passionate people through that platform. Who wants to do this alone when you can have so much fun working (and playing) together .. thanks for the great post, as usual.
I say spread the M & M’s, there are more than enough to go around.
Marya
@Marya | Writing Happiness Exactly my point, Marya. People joining the blogging world really need to surround themselves with, as you say, “smart, kind, passionate people.” If you don’t find it in one place, look in other places. And, yes, spread the M&Ms. : )
Wonderful read
I probably would have stole the M&Ms when you weren’t looking 
Some of the best advice I have even been given has come from active bloggers. There are the people that understand the blogging sphere can be so much better by working together.
Our multi author blog does well for the school we support in Uganda because we work together. People don’t believe me when I say that 30 women can blog together and not fight (well not much
). Helping each other extends our reach.
@SarahArrow Ha! So I would have had to keep my eye on you, then?
You have 30 women blogging together? That’s pretty amazing, Sarah. I really must pop over for a visit. And I love your goal. (I worked for a huge relief and development nonprofit before jumping into the world of business. Developed their marketing materials and traveled to West Africa to film a documentary on third world poverty. Would love to hear more about the Uganda project sometime.)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. : )
Great analogy Judy! As someone who has been a guest of yours and has had the privilege of having you as a guest at my place I can most certainly vouch for the pleasure and benefits of guest posting.
To me the real joy of blogging lies in sharing other peoples work and seeing the collaboration and benefits I receive in return for doing that. Blogging in isolation would be a very lonely activity!
@TonyH Yes! And we are going to have to exchange posts again here soon because that was so much fun.
Here’s to more collaboration—for all of us. : )
Judy, What terrific advice for any situation – sibling rivalry, business competitors, political stalemates. You listening Washington, D.C.?
@MyrnaSusanHoffman I know. Life lessons from first graders. My years in the classroom were a wild ride. Those little ones were a microcosm of society and they have a lot to teach us. Writing my memoir is bringing all those memories back. Thanks for visiting and taking the time to leave a comment, Myrna. : )
I have found authors and writers some of the kindest and helpful people I’ve ever met. I haven’t asked to guest blog but I’ve read many people’s requests for guest bloggers. I just haven’t taken advantage of it. I love hosting others on my blog and don’t look at it as taking anything away from me; but rather giving my readers something fresh and new to read.
Thanks for the post.
Patti
@PatriciaYagerDelagrange Well said, Patricia. I agree. Bringing new voices to your blog not only adds to the diversity of ideas, but allows you to share your readers with each other. Win-win, as they say. : )
Judy, I love this! For one thing, I feel like your posts about being a 1st grade teacher are helping me learn how to approach my own kids when I have them. : ) For another, the idea of bloggers’ working together resonates with my heart.
In my writer-blogging-about-writing/books niche, I haven’t felt competition from anyone, nor have I felt competitive with anyone. My friend, fellow writer, and fellow indie publisher Aaron lets me have a guest column on his blog (unstressedsyllables.com) every single week. We have similar target audiences made up of a lot of the same people, so one might assume that we’re in steep competition with each other. But not so! Everything we do with regard to writing and blogging, we do to help the other one get ahead. Aaron hasn’t guested on my blog yet, but that’s only because the poor man is so overworked, writing guest posts has to be lower on his priority list right now.
Anyway…Aaron’s not the only blogger who has helped me get more M&Ms since I started this adventure back in January. And he’s not the only one I’ve helped. I know there’s a compete mentality out there among a whole segment of bloggers — but they’re not my type anyway. ; )
@courtcan Always a pleasure when you stop by, Courtney. You must be working on your second book by now. : )
I hear what you are saying. Hanging around the collaborators and the generous bloggers just makes so much sense. And you are not even finished with your first year of blogging yet. I’d say you’re a quick study.
You’ve talked about Aaron before. He sounds like quite a gem. Thanks for the kind and thoughtful comment.
@courtcan Shoot! Judy here, Courtney. (I know, it doesn’t look like me.) I spilled water on my keyboard and borrowed Bob’s laptop until I could get a new one. Thought I had signed in with my own password but I see it didn’t work. : )
@courtcan Okay, Courtnery, I’m back, with a new keyboard. Aack! What a day. : )
LOL, no worries, Judy! Even though the email notification said “Bob,” I still figured it was you. ; )
Yes, Aaron is definitely a gem. He’s one of those creatives whose passion for his craft is matched only by his passion for helping others excel at their own art. Without him, I wouldn’t have had the guts or the resources to accomplish what I have so far.
And that, I might add, includes the recent publication of Book 2 (http://www.amazon.com/dp/1463617712/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_236Mob176JKZB)! : ) The third book is already in second draft stage. But before I work on that some more, I’ll be participating in NaNoWriMo, penning my ninth novel!
I love my job. And I love networking, commiserating, and hobnobbing with all the creatives my job brings me into contact with. : )
What a great post! I love how you relate important topics back to classroom experiences! thank you!
@AppliedBehavioralStrategies Thanks for dropping by. Accidentally spilled water this morning and for several hours the score was: water, 1; keyboard, 0. Had to go out and buy a new keyboard. : )
Glad you connected with the classroom lessons. Please do stop by again.
What a wonderful, inspiring post. We should all be there for one another and support each other on the journey. You are right, it can feel lonely, but it helps to know that we are all in this together. Thanks for the reminder!
@aboreson Thanks. Being in it together is such a nicer feeling, isn’t it? : )
Brilliant! I’ve got to try this with my kids.
As for blogging, much of the reward comes from my interactions with other bloggers!
@flowerpotsun Just noticing how you’ve interacted with other bloggers on this site, I can see that you really get this concept. : )
It is amazing, though, at what a young age we are conditioned to compete. Often when when we would “deconstruct” the M&Ms game in the discussions afterward, some kids would say, “But that’s not fair!” (talking about letting each other get wins). They actually considered it cheating!
Thanks for sharing here.
This post has been on my list to read since it first popped up in my inbox . . . mostly because I’m always looking for new games to play with kids. In fact, my soon-to-be 7-year-old is having her first sleep over in a couple of weeks and I might just the M&M game with them!
Back to point . . . I absolutely love this post. I started blogging this past February as a way to just get myself writing again. I had no idea what would come of it. I was happy if one or two people read my posts. But one of the wonderful things I noticed over time was the the more involved in others’ blogs I became, the more success I had in my own blog.
Cooperation is a beautiful thing
Thank you for the wonderful post!
@Dayle A sleepover with 7-year-olds? My, you ARE the ambitious one. : )
I found through the years that it takes quite a socially capable first grader to figure out that cooperation will get them more M & M’s. It was usually more of an aha experience as they thought it through after the game was over.
Funny how that works, huh? More giving from us, in terms of supporting other bloggers, always comes right back to us. It’s great that you recognized this so early on. Thanks for sharing your insights here.
There will only 4 or 5 of them (and possibly only 3) – I *think* I can survive! . . . I think it will mostly be a means of much laughter and an excuse to eat M & M’s – two things I am most definitely not opposed to!
I was very fortunate to meet a wonderful group of writers shortly after I started blogging. It was a contest for a job and afterwards many of us joined together to support each other in our endeavors. I went from following three or four blogs to following dozens in just a couple of weeks. It was overwhelming, but tons of fun and I credit them as the source of most of my blogger knowledge!
@Dayle Having a circle of your own blogging buddies is a wonderful thing. I started a group like that with friends and it was quite fun (each of us also got some new readers and subscribers). I blogged about it here. :
http://catseyewriter.com/2010/12/04/how-to-bring-hundreds-of-new-readers-to-your-blog/
Have a fun time w/the sleepover. : )