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When I was a teacher, one of the worst things a kid could have, the thing that would hold her back throughout life and beyond, was low self-concept.
It was whispered about children, as though they would never get any farther than flipping hamburgers at McDonald’s because they had, you know:
a low self-concept
Of course, as teachers, we did everything we could—praise, special recognition, a paper crown on their birthday, stapling their paintings front and center on the bulletin board—in a valiant effort to make them feel better about themselves.
So they would have improved self-esteem.
There was nothing wrong with that, of course. Kids need to grow up feeling good about themselves.
But in the adult world of the creative arts, I find that the best writers, bloggers, and plain old communicators, the ones whose stuff I can’t wait to read, have a certain vulnerability. They let me in close, tell me what they’re really feeling. They examine themselves, bare their hearts and souls.
Admit their humanness.
I love Mitch Joel’s quote in his post, The Power of Vulnerability:
The heart and soul of great art is the ability for the artist to be vulnerable.
If being vulnerable means taking off the armor and allowing yourself to be hurt, it also means being open enough to connect with people on deeper levels—to touch the heart and not just the head.
Did Steinbeck Have a Low Self-Concept?
John Steinbeck wrote these words, after a particularly disappointing day’s work on his masterpiece, The Grapes of Wrath:
“I don’t know whether I could write a book now. That is the greatest fear of all. Something is poisoned in me. You pages—ten of you—you are the dribble cup—you are the cloth to wipe up the vomit. Maybe I can get these fears and disgusts on you and then burn you up. Then maybe I won’t be so haunted.”
Okay, well, I’d say Steinbeck is baring his soul here (complete with “the cloth to wipe up the vomit.”) As brilliant as he was, he doubted his writing ability from time to time and wasn’t afraid to admit it.
Another thing he’s doing? He’s showing me his humanness. I have doubts and fears. I’m connecting with him more because he has them, too.
My humor is rather self-deprecating. I never turn on others, so it’s safe because I am making fun of myself. But maybe somewhere in there, my readers can see a little of themselves, too.
Or maybe I just need counseling
I was commenting on another writer’s blog post once. We were talking about the creative process and coming to the desk ready to work.
I said, “Every time I sit down to write a new blog post, I think, ‘Okay. I wrote a good post last week, but maybe that was just a fluke. What if I can’t write another good one because that was the only idea I had?’”
Of course, I was expressing an exaggerated thought, but, still, there was some emotional truth there.
The blogger replied, “Maybe you should look into getting some counseling to feel better about yourself and then you might discover that you are a good writer after all.”
I was floored.
He totally didn’t get what I was saying— that thing that many excellent writers struggle with. We get recognized for something we wrote and we think, “What if they find out I’m really a fake? That I can’t really write a good blog post, or a real poem, or an amazing piece of fiction?”
In my blog post comment, I had quoted from Bonnie Friedman’s amazing book, Writing Past Dark:
Every day I must prove to myself I am a writer. The knowledge goes away in my sleep.
If we are honest like Friedman, does it really mean that we have self-concept issues? Or does it mean that we sometimes have these feelings and, by expressing them, we hope to connect with our readers in more real ways?
Being a little vulnerable is one of the best ways to connect with your readers
We should not be afraid to inject a little vulnerability into our writing. To admit our fears.
To be human.
What about you?
Do you see vulnerability in someone’s writing as a sign of weakness?
Do you ever write from a place of vulnerability?
Do you think more or less of a blogger who is open and honest about her feelings?
A note to my readers who use mobile devices to access the blog: We just installed the plugin WP Touch Pro here at the Cat’s Eye blog to make the site more mobile-friendly. What this means is that readers on mobile devices (iPhones, iPads, etc.) should find that images load better, text is visible without pinching or zooming and the links and buttons are “thumb-friendly.” If you read the blog on a mobile device, I’d love to hear your feedback. (We’re still tweaking the settings.) And if you’d like to find out more about WP Touch Pro, or purchase it for your site, go here. (Affiliate link.)
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The blog looks great on my Android phone! It’s a good text size too, but I like that I can pinch/zoom if I want. Some mobile themes don’t do that, and I hate them. Good topic, too – gave me an idea for my own blog – thanks!
Jennette Marie Powell recently posted..My Town Monday: When it Sucks to Live in Ohio
Your feedback on reading the blog on a mobile device is much appreciated, Jennette. Thanks.
Don’t you love the ideas you get for your own posts by reading other blogs? that happens to me a lot. : )
Judy Dunn recently posted..How to Write an Irresistible Blog Bio
I completely agree with you. Vulnerability makes writing “real”. It takes so much more courage to show our flaws than to present our first date selves!
My blog posts that have received the most comments (and have been retweeted) have been when I show my vulnerability. Those are always harder for me to write, to make it not sound whiny and keep it genuine, but the pay off is huge.
Tammy recently posted..Blessings of Age
Yes, whininess is to be avoided at all costs, although I love a good rant post every now and then. My experience has been the same when I pour my heart out in a post. It just makes people want to join the conversation. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Judy Dunn recently posted.. What Is Your Online Avatar Saying About You?
That’s my concern, too, Tammy, not sounding whiny about issues that I sometimes really want to whine about, lol.
Shakirah Dawud recently posted..Marketing Copy Turns “Sticks And Stones” On Its Ear
Hi Tammy. I can’t seem to subscribe to your blog. It won’t allow me to put my email address in.
Claire recently posted..It’s Happened at Last….. The Icing On The Cake!
Claire,
I am so flattered that you wanted to subscribe!
Thank you so much for letting me know that my site wasn’t allowing that. I added a new way on my site. Please let me know if that doesn’t work!
Thanks again.
Tammy
Tammy recently posted..Friendly Birthday Wishes
Hi Tammy
I think I have managed to subscribe now! Will let you know as I investigate further!
All the best
Claire
Claire recently posted..It’s Happened at Last….. The Icing On The Cake!
Thought provoking post. When I think of my favorite writers and characters I remember their vulnerability, their humanness, and those things that made them real.
It’s the same with the blogs that I follow. I tend to chose those that write from their truth, who are honest and go a little deeper than just ‘telling’ me something. It’s something that I admire and work at to become a better writer. When I read other people who ‘expose’ themselves it makes it less scarier for me to do so.
Ah, yes. Because you can get information and education just about anywhere on the Web, right? But, for me, adding the commentary makes it more interesting, more real. Great point.
Judy Dunn recently posted.. Harry Potter Headlines: 10 Ways to Conjure Up a Viral Blog Post Title
Wow! Great post, Judy! I loved the Steinbeck quote. I actually think (not that I’m particularly good at it) that showing your vulnerability as a writer is NECESSARY, not just a good thing- otherwise readers won’t feel a connection to our work. Thanks!
Annie Crawford recently posted..First installment – The Curse of the Jade Amulet: Chapter One
Annie,
Several years ago, when I visited the Steinbeck Museum in Salinas, CA, I bought the book, Working Days: The Journal of The Grapes of Wrath. It was fascinating to read his thoughts on the writing process and the book as he was going through the drafts.
I’m with you. The more we show our readers who we really are—flaws and all—the more attachment they feel to us and our writing.
Judy Dunn recently posted..Write Better in 2012 by Reading More: What’s on Your Bookshelf?
Judy, I think it is important to write from our own personal point of view. When we do that we show a lot of ourselves and part of that is to exposing our vulnerabilities. If we don’t do that then we are going to sound like we are lecturing our audience. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like being lectured to, and I don’t suppose many people do.
It has to be personal, from the heart, but yes, when I write I always look over my shoulder wondering whether it is good enough. I always feel vulnerable, but that helps I think.
Jon Stow recently posted..Innovation, sacrifice and the job trap
Jon,
I think the lecture mode comes on when a blogger says, “This is what you should do,” rather than, “This is one thing I’ve tried. This is how I feel about this topic. What do you think about it?”
And wondering whether it’s “good enough”? I go through that all the time. Because it could always be better, right? : )
Judy Dunn recently posted..‘Clean Slate’ Blogging: How to Write a Post Your Readers Will Remember
I do not see vulnerability as a sign of weakness, I see it as a sign of self-awareness, and elements of this in the writing is something I actively seek out when reading blogs. We are all imperfect, just like the world around us, and I think anyone who writes without at least some acknowledgement of this is boring at best and narcissistic at worst.
I agree completely that our vulnerability, and in particular our conscious awareness of it, is what makes us human. I also think that the implied promise of being able to find this in others is why we have flocked so readily to the internet – suddenly there is an exponential increase in the likelihood of finding someone else out there that is struggling like I am, whatever that means, and may have a strategy that I have not yet thought of. Having company in our humanness is powerful stuff, and finding someone willing and able to put that out there in their writing is very engaging writing to me.
Connie,
Great points. Hadn’t thought of it in terms of self-awareness but it makes sense. And it’s weird, because the Internet has made us both less and more human at the same time. Less because we have fewer in-person connections but more because we seem to find it easier to share our feelings in a post or forum, with that “anonymity factor” thrown in.
I love it when someone makes me think in different ways. : )
Judy Dunn recently posted..Is Twitter Making Us Crappy Writers?
I hadn’t really thought of this before so was delighted that you brought it up. Thinking about it now, I think vulnerability in someone’s writing shows strength rather than weakness. Personally speaking, it is only in recent times that I have been able to write this way. And I would say that at this time, I have a better self concept than I ever had in the past.
At first, I was nervous how people would react but I have had positive responses in which people also share their own vulnerabilty. We all learn something this way, that there are other people out there who feel the same.
Enjoyed this post!
Claire,
So being able to be vulnerable in your writing is tied more then to a good self-concept. And you find that when you share from the heart, it encourages others to do the same? Love that.
Judy Dunn recently posted.. What Is Your Online Avatar Saying About You?
Yes Judy. That’s exactly it. Being vulnerable in your writing, the way I see it, is tied more to a good self concept rather than a bad one! In the past, I would never had had the courage to write about some of the things that I do now. Now, when I open up and share things like how I came to be a first time mother in my forties, the response is much more heartfelt.
Claire recently posted..It’s Happened at Last….. The Icing On The Cake!
Ah, now I know you! You are the Claire I’ve talked to on Facebook. (You need to get your self a gravatar!) I wrote a post on online avatars that has the link for visiting the site to get one:
http://catseyewriter.com/2012/01/11/what-is-your-online-avatar-saying-about-you/
I really love the topic of your blog. A lot of new, “older” mothers can relate to what you talk about. And I think that writing with vulnerability on that particular subject could be a very powerful thing.
Judy Dunn recently posted..Write Better in 2012 by Reading More: What’s on Your Bookshelf?
Thanks Judy. Yes, indeed, it’s me! Trying to put an avatar up but I think I’m being a bit dim!
Claire recently posted..It’s Happened at Last….. The Icing On The Cake!
Love this post! I truly think allowing our vulnerability to show is a form of authenticity. We love knowing that other writers go through the same self-doubt as we do ourselves. I’d like to re-blog your article to share with others.
Jeannie Leflar recently posted..The Gift of Home
Jeannie,
Yes. I think as writers, we are a pretty sensitive bunch. And that is a plus for our writing. Most of us seem to recognize that—in ourselves AND in other writers.
And thanks for sharing this post!
Judy Dunn recently posted.. Harry Potter Headlines: 10 Ways to Conjure Up a Viral Blog Post Title
Ouch, I guess you’ll find someone else to expose your vulnerabilities to next time, eh? I wonder what that blogger’s vulnerabilities are, and if he’s ever shared them. As I tweeted, I think it’s something more–I should have said “greater”–than a “low self-concept.” It’s the very thing that keeps us writing. When we show that vulnerability to others, they get a glimpse of how much we love what we’re doing, and how much we care that it be the best. They see that we don’t care how good they think we are–that we’re human, and we can be better. There’s something to admire in that kind of humility, I think.
Shakirah Dawud recently posted..Marketing Copy Turns “Sticks And Stones” On Its Ear
Shakira,
Thanks for mentioning this post on Twitter. I’m not sure I am following you. I need to go in and do that. : )
All good points you have here. I think sometimes we feel that admitting our fears makes us look somehow less capable in others’ eyes. I love questioning myself because it always helps me improve in some way, or at least be more aware of areas where I can improve. And, yes, we can always be better.
Judy Dunn recently posted.. What Is Your Online Avatar Saying About You?
Yes, Shakirah and Judy. At first, I thought that showing my vulnerability and being honest about certain things would make me look silly or unstable in the eyes of some others. However, once I stood back and realised that I myself actually connect more with writers who show this side of themselves,that thought became invalid.
Claire recently posted..It’s Happened at Last….. The Icing On The Cake!
To be human.
Vulnerability is a sign of strength. Vulnerability says that I am willing to be human, so that other humans can relate and connect and grow with and through me and my experiences. To me, writing from a place of vulnerability is all part of being authentic. To do otherwise would to deny who I am and what I stand for. Even if I don’t agree with what a blogger says, I can respect him/her for being open and honest about his/her feelings. If I get hung up when I’m writing, I try to tell myself to “be true to who I am” and to “be honest.” That’s the essense of being vulnerable for me.
Kari Scare recently posted..How to… Beat the Blahs
Kari, I love how you expressed this. I totally agree that vulnerability is a sign of strength rather than weakness. It allows other people to relate and to know that they are not alone, that others go through what they go through. I have certainly become more connected with people by writing in this way.
Claire recently posted..It’s Happened at Last….. The Icing On The Cake!
Kari,
Yes, honesty and vulnerability go hand in hand, at least in my opinion. And it gets easier, the more time we hit “publish” with our true thoughts. I find that if I am thinking about something too much, there is the danger that I’m not writing from my heart, from that place of vulnerability.
Judy Dunn recently posted..‘Clean Slate’ Blogging: How to Write a Post Your Readers Will Remember
Yes, it does get easier. Thinking too much… that’s something I am very good at. If I think too much when I’m trying to write, it usually means I’m trying to “sound” like a writer rather than like myself. However, I find that if I mull over an idea (think about it) before I write about it, then the writing tends to be better. So, thinking too much helps and hurts me depending on how and when I apply it.
Kari Scare recently posted..How to… Beat the Blahs
I love vulnerability in a blogger, that is what draws me to them. The majority of the good comments I get on my blog are from my most honest and vulnerable posts. I am a faith-blogger, so it appears that in the christian blogger world, being totally open about doubts, fears etc is pretty unusual. Sad.
I like your term “faith blogger.” Very cool. I totally agree with you, by the way.
Kari Scare recently posted..How to… Beat the Blahs
Susie,
I know what you mean. But what better way for a Christian blogger (or any faith-based blogger) to be. Open, vulnerable, honest. You are a great role model. : )
Judy Dunn recently posted.. What Is Your Online Avatar Saying About You?
Judy, great post. As others have shared, I think vulnerability is absolutely essential for good writing. That said, there is a balancing act if you’re writing a blog that serves a business purpose. For instance, as a coach, I want to appear competent in everything I put out. If I write in my blog that I’m fearful or scared of something I coach others to do, is that a turn off? Not at all… **IF** I share my fears and vulnerability in the service of the reader, with insights as to how I moved through the situation. In those cases, I hope a reader/potential client reads my words and says “You get it! You’ve been through this, so you understand me!”
Honest blogging provides an excellent platform for people to begin to know, like and trust you – and I’m much more likely to trust someone who shows his/her humanity and powerful vulnerability than someone who believes “never let them see you sweat.”
Beth Buelow, ACC, The Introvert Entrepreneur recently posted..There IS an “I” in Team: Introverts, Creativity & “The New Groupthink”
Beth,
How nice to get a broader perspective on this. And, yes, absolutely. I wasn’t thinking in terms of making readers feel that you don’t know your stuff, especially if you want them to hire you to help them. But if you can present it in terms of “this is what happened to me and here is what I learned,” that’s a very powerful bonding experience.
Writers as a group tend to be a tad more introspective than most folks so perhaps we share (or possibly commiserate) with each other more. In your last paragraph, seems like you touched on that in a blog post once. : )
Judy Dunn recently posted.. What Is Your Online Avatar Saying About You?
OH! And IMHO, showing vulnerability is a sign of HIGH self-esteem and confidence in one’s self. You know you’re opening yourself up to judgment, yet you know you can handle it. You’re secure in your experience and feelings. You’re grounded in your truth and are willing to share it with the world for mutual benefit. That makes thoughtful (not whiny) vulnerability an extremely powerful thing!!
Beth Buelow, ACC, The Introvert Entrepreneur recently posted..Confessions of an Indulgent Introvert
Beth,
Thanks for sharing that link on Facebook, too. I agree. Only when we are comfortable enough in our own skin can we share some of our fears and insecurities with the goal of helping others who might feel the same. That IS truly a good sense of self-esteem. Good point.
Judy Dunn recently posted.. Harry Potter Headlines: 10 Ways to Conjure Up a Viral Blog Post Title
Being vulnerable is being honest and shows strength. Choosing to take a chance on being vulnerable takes courage.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker recently posted..Owning My Personal Power – Insights
Patricia,
Thanks for the comment. It IS a sign of strength (and courage). I think you’re right about that. : )
Judy Dunn recently posted..How to Write an Irresistible Blog Bio
I agree with Beth B. To me, vulnerable writing is actually a sign of high esteem and self-awareness. It’s an ability to process our own fears, and use them to fuel our writing. That’s something I find very difficult to do at times, but it’s made for some wonderful writing sessions. It’s nice when we can learn just as much about ourselves through our writing as we can about our characters and their story.
We just have to be careful not to let how our exposed self will be received in our writing stop us from sharing it.
Andria recently posted..The Writer’s Plight: Overcoming Fear and Tomato Sauce
Yes. For sure. Fears can be used in powerful ways in our writing. The unusual thing about a blog (as compared to writing, say, a book) is that we get immediate feedback from our readers. A wonderful thing, yet, at the same time, scary. Thanks for weighing in here.
Judy Dunn recently posted..Is Twitter Making Us Crappy Writers?
My favorite writers are the ones that show me who they really are, baring their souls, and in the process make a connection with me, the reader.
Every time I write, regardless of the subject matter, I feel I’m showing a little more “me”. Hopefully that’s a good thing!
Laurie,
Good point. Some people argue that it depends on the subject matter. But a business blog can still inject personality and give us a sense that real people are behind it. I think that, as Beth said, it’s a balance. Thanks for contributing here.
Judy Dunn recently posted.. What Is Your Online Avatar Saying About You?
Aw for the love of Mergatroid, Judy. Don’t go walking inside people’s heads, you might cause them to think. Being naked on the page, especially when time and gravity has rearranged those perky parts, is no easy task.
But if we are not honest and raw, even in jest, the reader is cheated and when they feel cheated they abandon us. Maybe that’s why the best comics are those who cry behind their smiley faces, why comics often make great dramatic actors, they know the art of disguise, but they also know how to become naked and give something to their audience.
Am I insecure? I even worry when I leave comments on a blog of an unseen face. I worry over an email. Maybe I should not have said that? I’d better not say too much. The risk of being real, however terrifying … is a risk we must all take. Even in what people think is “simple reading,” you know those genre books everyone thinks they can write during NaNo and slap a cover on and get all puffy over being published. Even in the so called easy stuff, if we don’t put those vulnerabilities out there we are doomed … not to insecurity but to insincerity. Thanks, I think I’ll go call a shrink now
florence fois recently posted..Where stories come from …
Haha. I am cursed with an undergraduate degree in psychology.Seems to help me in writing, though.
I know what you mean about the acting part. My daughter, who is (rather belatedly) finishing a degree in theatre arts, was in skits on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno several years ago. But I think her real strengths lie in drama. Somehow comics, beneath the surface, understand a lot about pain and sadness and vulnerability. She is in rehearsals right now for a play by an Irish playwright that deals with the impact of a murder on a family. She commented how hard it was to get “naked on the stage” but how when she does it in a rehearsal her and her director know it.
And, yes, being real IS a risk. You summed it up perfectly.
Judy Dunn recently posted..Is Twitter Making Us Crappy Writers?
We are all vulnerable, even the strongest of us. Knowing our vulnerabilities and overcoming them are what strengthens us. I’ve been reading Donald Maas – the Fire in Fiction, and he talks about cardboard characters – with no dimension. Our blogs come out sounding like cardboard if we do not share from our hearts, and our hearts are vulnerable. Whinny is not good either, although a few of my posts in another blog wee whinny and drew people. But that is rare, and not something I’d want to be consistent in a blog. The whinny one was written years ago and was my testimony. My newest blog takes the hurt and turns it to something positive. People respond. If you go to the link in my current post, look on the left column, you will find My Testimony – that is the whinny post.
Have a blessed day. Heather
Heather Marsten recently posted..All You Need Is Love
What a fine line we walk when we write. I don’t normally whine in a post. That kind of post will probably attract a certain set of readers. I HAVE been known to rant from time to time, though. Sometimes something will get under my skin and I just have to let it all out (like my post on apostrophe abuse). Thanks for pointing us to your “whining” post. : )
Judy Dunn recently posted..How to Write an Irresistible Blog Bio
Hi Judy,
Courage is big one for me this year (it’s my word resolution:) ), so this post was very timely for me! We all aim to get closer to our readers, but showing that bare skin, dewey-eyed self is not so easy sometimes. I’m working on it….
What a fantastic word resolution! I need to make one. : )
Bare skin and dewey-eyed? Great way to describe it.
Judy Dunn recently posted.. Harry Potter Headlines: 10 Ways to Conjure Up a Viral Blog Post Title
My best writing usually comes from a place of discomfort and or pain. That sharing makes it easier for people to connect and see that we are all just people.
Jack recently posted..The Best Way To Blog Is…Your Way
Why does that place of discomfort and pain produce such good writing and elicit such amazing responses from our friends and readers (as opposed to a “happy post”)? I think it’s because humans connect with (and remember) pain at a much deeper level than joy. And it’s something that bonds us as people on a journey on this planet. Great point, Jack.
Judy Dunn recently posted..Is Twitter Making Us Crappy Writers?
Personally, I think writers showing their vulnerability is a sign of strength rather than weakness. I have a higher self concept now than I ever had when I was younger and I write this way. I find that people definitely connect more with me and what’s more, they also share their own vulnerability.. Left a comment over at your blog. Loved the post as I hadn’t really considered this before.
Claire, at first I had a quite a time connecting your blog comment to the person I chat with here on Facebook. Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation. It’s such an important topic and so many people had good insights to share!